To Become Born: Music as Medicine

Ram Dass makes music to open the heart and stir the soul. As a producer, multi-instrumentalist, and songwriter, his constant dedication to render the beauty of human experience, its triumphs, tragedies, and beyond, inspires a unique potency in his musical collaborations and creations.

“To Become Born” is the first of a series of musical reflections recorded in collaboration with Awaré on birth, life, death, grief, and joy that was inspired by his experiences trying to move forward after the passing of his newborn son in 2014. 

Ram Dass says, "After experiencing such immense pain after his loss, I faced depression and feelings of hopelessness to the point where grocery shopping was unbearable. Through various therapies, community support, and time, I found that I softened to my experience and did not come out cynically, but rather I found profound beauty in both the triumphs and the tragedies of life. This song is a question of “would I do it again; come back to Earth to be born, knowing how much pain and suffering there is?” My answer is a resounding yes and an encouragement to others to hopefully be able to find some peace amidst their struggles."

What is the inspiration behind your new single ‘To Become Born’?

For me, the music that we’re creating right now is about processing all that I have gone through since the pregnancy that led up to my son Siddhartha’s birth and then passing due to a fatal genetic condition. I had a crash course in feelings, emotion, trauma, and finding happiness during that journey. I came into making the record with an idea that I wanted to tell the story of a soul coming to earth, living a human life, and passing back into the spirit world, and to capture it in a dreamlike way; as if the story was being told by the spirits themselves. “To Become Born” is my reflection on the beauty that life holds despite the vast amounts of suffering that we inevitably experience. It’s about a soul/spirit/whatever word you want to use looking at human existence, noticing all of the pain in the world, and choosing to incarnate because of the rich experience that life is.

On a practical level, all of this music is about processing my feelings, putting them through this magical and mysterious process that is music production and turning them into something beautiful, which really exemplifies how I try to live my life— turning hard experiences into something glorious and helpful.

“To Become Born” is my reflection on the beauty that life holds despite the vast amounts of suffering that we inevitably experience.

~ Ram Dass

Can you talk about how music has been crucial in your healing journey?

Ram Dass: I see music as being inherently benevolent and helpful. It’s a medicine. Music is like a river that is always flowing— you can choose to raft down it, soak your feet in it, or just notice it. One of the scariest feelings in grief and recovery is feeling numb; feeling apathetic or even fearful and avoidant of interaction. Music is brilliant in that it can help create feeling and emotion, which help to soften or break through the fight or flight responses that are so heightened post-trauma. After my son passed, we had songs that we played every day to remind us of him. These songs allowed me to cry and feel my grief when so much of life was suggesting that I should harden and get bitter.

Music is like a river that is always flowing...

~ Ram Dass

How has your relationship with life changed after the experience of loss?

Ram Dass: Honestly, my life is so much richer as I have experienced loss and have embraced it. There has been no teacher more powerful or helpful than Death in my life. Losing my son forced me to find a way through and create a relationship with the biology of my body, the way my brain works, and everyone that I encounter. I think it was quite common for me to walk through the world trying to contain my feelings, not disturb others, or even acknowledge my mental state. What I came to learn is that there is nothing inherently wrong with any of the feeling states that I experience, and it is important to allow them to arise and fall away. Allowing myself to grieve brought an experience of poignancy in life. Everything is so short and we’ll have to say goodbye to everyone and everything we love, so as saccharine as it sounds, cherish the moment and try to let in as much beauty as possible. I now try to live my life with open hands, allowing love and brilliant experiences to arrive, be grateful for them, and to let them go on their own timing, not trying to control the circumstances.

There has been no teacher more powerful or helpful than Death in my life.

~ Ram Dass

This music is very profound and is touching the hearts of many, we are sure your baby angel is smiling watching this music unfold into the world. Is there a message you would like to share with families going through similar experiences?

Ram Dass: It’s just the hardest thing in the world. For me there was nothing that anyone could say that would make the situation better. All I can offer is just to keep breathing, take as much time as you need, honor your grief, and when you can reach for the joys in life, try. And let yourself off the hook whenever you can!

Take as much time as you need, honor your grief...

~ Ram Dass

Do you think this experience of loss has guided you to have a better understanding of who you are and what your purpose in life is?

Ram Dass: Definitely, though the path hasn’t been at all direct. It seems like I had to actually deconstruct my life through the grief process in order to make sense of who I am and what I’m doing here. Many people make goals and say “I want to be X, Y, or Z in five years”. That’s great, but my brain has never worked in the way that I can make that goal and then go through a checklist of action items and steps to get to that goal. It’s not that I’m flying by the seat of my pants— I have a general trajectory of things I’d love to accomplish, but then I allow opportunities to show up and assess them individually in the moment.

The grief process brought me into a moment-by-moment state of being in a couple ways: first, since we experienced an intense trauma with Siddhartha’s passing, we were generally in states of emotional disregulation— at first, it was hard to even go to the grocery store or talk to strangers. So, making plans was really hard to do. My days turned into step-by-step processes. In 12 step programs, a slogan is “One Day At A Time”. For me it was “One Moment At A Time”.

Second, I found that the way to find emotional regulation was to have my feelings in real time, rather than trying to “put off”, suppress, or control the feelings I didn’t want to have (generally sadness, anger, and fear/anxiety). This meant facing the fact that I could have any and all of my human feelings at any moment and softening to the fear of having them. Over time, this changed my mindset from forward-facing to present moment observation, which is endlessly fascinating. As it relates to happiness, I also realized that being happy did not mean not being angry or sad. My happiness is now a general state of being, and the feelings of anger and sadness are part of its quilt.

Ultimately, “happy” is actually what I found that I wanted to be and let go of the control over what the circumstances should be around that happiness. That healing process and the relief I have felt is something that I hope I can offer to others through my music and my presence.

Are there any particular tools, rituals, books that served you through the path of grief?

Ram Dass: I cannot recommend all of Francis Weller’s material highly enough. He is a psychotherapist,  facilitator, and author with a focus on grief, shame, and addiction, and has written several books on the topics including ; in which he speaks to the need for western society to better embrace, witness, and embody our grief. George Bertelstein and Medicine Path NAC in the Bay Area have been the biggest influence and support. George’s book sum up a lot of my philosophy and outlook on life and can help anyone in or out of crisis.

Can you recommend any support groups or organizations for parents looking for support?

Ram Dass: There are a couple national organizations in the US that I know of but have not worked with personally— Bereaved Parents of the USA, Compassionate Friends. There are also many local/regional organizations. Regardless of the organization, it is imperative that parents and family members have someone to talk to, whether a therapist, social worker, or friends.

Listen to To Become Born now.