If there is one thing I have learned about myself over the years, it's that I like to do things alone. I want to learn new things, but privately. You know, where no one can see me make mistakes or look silly. I live with a native Spanish speaking family and speak no Spanish. I'm waiting for the time when I've spontaneously absorbed enough to speak fluently back to them. I took private dance lessons so I could learn faster and move into higher levels more quickly. In Japan I took private yoga classes weekly because I wanted the full attention of my teacher so I could learn faster and not have to rearrange my schedule. And I've only taken one Kundalini yoga class because I feel silly doing kriyas with other people around. I get my Kundalini experience at home through the Spirit Voyage Global Sadhanas.
So why on earth did I just buy a ticket for Sat Nam Fest in April? Not only are there going to be hundreds of other people there, but I'm going to take part in the yoga intensive on Thursday. Doing Kundalini yoga in a group all day long - I can feel my ego quaking and complaining already! My ego is demanding that I have to kick my asana practice back into high gear so that I don't embarrass myself by not being able to hold a posture long enough. It's insisting that I buy some extra white clothing so no one has a chance to notice that I seem to always wear the same thing. And it's hoping and fretting that we don't have to do anything that involves flexible hamstrings, because I most certainly don't have those!
In spite of all my trepidations, I can't wait for Sat Nam Fest! It's going to be an amazing opportunity to stretch my boundaries and extend my edge a little further. Yoga isn't about hiding in the comfort of my bedroom, safely away from anyone who might sneak a peak at my form or endurance. It's about breaking down my ego and building up my spirit. By indulging in my ego's desire to not be seen until I can do things perfectly, I'm strengthening its hold on my life. Going to Sat Nam Fest and taking part in everything offered there will give me a chance to shake up my ego-driven routine and become a healthier person.
I'll probably still do yoga a bit more frequently to prepare my body for Sat Nam Fest. We'll see about freshening up my wardrobe. More important than those things though, I plan to spend time thinking about all of the fun I'm going to have, the wonderful people I'm going to meet, and the seeds for change that Sat Nam Fest is already planting in my life. If you get to Sat Nam Fest with any concerns of your own, come find me. I'll be hanging out in the yoga classes stretching my hamstrings and my ego all weekend long!
(Editor's Note: Liz's fears of not being good enough are unfounded. People of all yogic levels, including total beginners and those with physical challenges, attend Sat Nam Fest and experience outrageous joy. Sat Nam Fest is a place of total acceptance! In addition to stretching out your hamstrings, we'll be exercising our vocal chords all weekend chanting to some deliriously beautiful music! Come join us April 12-15, 2012 in Joshua Tree, California!)
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