My New Year did not go according to plan. I was all pumped to begin Jap Ji, along with thousands of others around the world – a global intention I desperately wanted to be a part of – but I only got as far as day one when my whole family (who still had a thousand miles to drive home) got sick. Ugghh. Practicing was no longer a choice.
I was deflated. I felt deeply disappointed and the experience highlighted other issues within myself, including the issue of knowing that I need to feel a connection with the Source but struggling to achieve it.
Right now I am nearly where I want to be. I feel that I am spiritually connected and I am making great progress on my personal and ongoing business missions but I still feel a need for a deeper sense of connection and completion in my life. Apparently this is common for Cancereans: we struggle to finish the job. In fact, it was when I learned this that I wanted even more to finish something that I had so passionately started.
I am aware that I must keep my discipline and keep focused, yet I feel weak to do this. Like I am walking a tight rope and one false move and it’s all over! This is the reason why for many months now I have been exploring spiritual ways to achieve actualizing the best of myself. Until a few years ago I hadn’t even given myself permission to go successfully on a big mission. Now that I have, I must go the distance.
You know how it is: you seek and universe provides answers? Well in the last few months, Ashtanga, Kundalini, Falun Gong, Kriya Meditation, Jap Ji have all come across my path. Many of them I have practiced before, but with motherhood they took a back seat. Each of them resonates with me and my needs. Problem is, I am also a mom to a 4-year-old, so private time is limited. I don’t want to wish it different, only to be more productive.
If I did everything that I wanted to do I would need more hours in the day. This is just not possible. So when Jap Ji failed on day one I was crushed; feel very self critical and flustered. I was stuck. Even worse, I was becoming stressed about it. What was I to do and when? Was it wrong to mix things? If I felt pulled to all these things was there a right answer?
I reached out to a friend and Spirit Voyage Yogini Tribe sister Hari Karan Kaur. I was so relieved when she completely understood my dilemma and appreciated why I felt overwhelmed with my options. She reassured me there was no right or wrong – I only had to enjoy and feel happy with what I was doing. The universe provides multiple ways to rejoice in and satisfy the soul!
Hari Karan also did my numerology reading. The results blew me away! Everything I had been feeling, including my weak spots, were completely confirmed. I am prone to not manifesting externally my internal world. I do struggle to be consistent and I do suffer with glandular problems.
The regular practice of meditation and exercise that I had been hungry for was the very thing my numerology confirmed that I needed. I felt so relieved! I no longer felt lost on my path. No longer did I feel like a failure for not participating in Jap Ji. Hari Karan recommended that I practice the Kriya for Awakening to Your 10 Bodies and a meditation regularly. I know this is something I am able to do, that I can commit to. It doesn’t take hours of my life, even as a mom I can always manage it. In fact my son often joins me in my practice. He evens asks, ‘when we will do it today?’
Having my ‘weak spots’ clear in my mind completely renewed my motivation and a sense of purpose. With each kriya I focus in on the intention and remind myself why it is vital I practice even though there may be an internal fight. And every day I feel more accomplished!
Am I disappointed that I did not participate in the Global Sadhana? Sure. However, because of I did not, I have been able to take a huge step in my spiritual and personal growth. I am no longer ‘frozen’ or beating myself up for failing. Instead, I am thanking the universe because I have found what is right for me in this time and place.
In the future I definitely want to practice Jap Ji. I am already listening to ‘tune my ear in’. Perhaps after 40 days of the 10 Bodies kriya I will be ready. Then again, the 10 Bodies practice feels so right for me now, I am in no hurry to put it behind me!
Thank you Universe for the opportunity to explore myself, to expand and that I have found a way to connect daily with the source.
Thank you Hari Karan Kaur, my dear sister, for your generous heart and for not judging me but supporting me when I needed it most. Thank you!